the day to day is never what you'd imagine

when i first decided to embark on this adventure, i had visions of spending every day in my studio, sipping tea or coffee and painting my little heart out. things just never turn out how you expected. you know the feeling. after spending 5 or 10 years in a career, you find yourself in a position thinking "is this what i thought i would actually be doing when i was in school?" pushing paper. filling out time sheets and expense reports. trying to figure out exactly how much time was spent on "that" project today.

this life is not so different.

this week, i got to spend friday chilling out and puttering in the studio. and yes, puttering is a technical term. i had no real goal other than to not have a goal. no task list, no to-do's. mess around on facebook a bit and twitter a tad. at first, when i turned the studio on, i thought "what do i want to paint today"? that idea quickly went out the window in place of cleaning up pieces which were nearly finished.

the rest of my week was entirely different. it involved trading emails with galleries, speaking with a few artists and curators about references. speaking to grant organizations about submissions and questions as to their requirements. writing and submitting materials for review for one grant proposal, and reviewing the feedback. writing and submitting materials for a residency. reviewing the criteria for three other residencies and starting to get my ducks in a row for those. emailing and speaking with organizations on how to get into creative capital workshops and finding out about a fellowship i must apply for. reviewing a few calls. speaking with a friend about putting together a series of pop up exhibitions, while continuing the planning of my own exhibition proposal. and writing a letter of recommendation, which i've never done before. actually, pretty much all of this stuff i've never done before.

i've let these tasks intimidate me for months. there have been many opportunities on my lists, but this week i made some decisions. i know what i want to do. and now i know what to do.

nothing happens unless you make the first move. nothing happens if you don't take that step forward. i'm not willing to wait for opportunities to present themselves. i'm going to create my own opportunities. creating those opportunities means conquering your fears. it involves risk. it means putting the effort forth to become the person you want to be.

your life is in your own hands. make it everything you want it to be.